Pieces of Driftwood
by Septdeneuf
Summary: A collection of one piece one shots. Ninth: Clandestine Meetings of Perverts
1. Expressions of a missing heart

Expressions of a missing heart

Rating: K+

Character: Brook

Summary: Brook celebrates his 200th birthday.

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"Happy Birthday to me", the living skeleton whispered as he wiped the leaves off the large marble stone. He sat down on the ground that was still cold despite the warm spring sun doing its best to imbue it with warmth. His old bones were creaking, but he barely heard it, used to the sound as he was.

Reverently he ran his naked phalanges over the long row of names, each of them precious and all of their owners confined to memory by now.

None of their remains were actually buried at this place, scattered all over the globe as they were. Some didn't even have a grave on land, having chosen the open sea instead for their eternal slumber. It didn't matter much. This place was of no benefit to any of them, having long faded into the pages of history books as they had. This place was for the the musician to remember them, and he didn't need to be physically close to a pile of rotting empty bones in order to do that.

If bones were helpful to make him feel better he'd carry a mirror everywhere he went.

But looking at the names, all the important people he'd encountered, conjured up images in front of his empty eye sockets. Of a ship always filled with music, a captain who'd trusted him enough to leave his precious crew in his hands, and that crew's last song.

He did his best not to think about the empty years that had followed, instead moved his gaze further down the stone. Those names, a later addition to his world but no less precious, a group of dreamers like no others that had given him back faith in his own.

He heard the most infectious laugh in the world and how rubbery arms had pulled all of the crew into a giant hug on the last island of the Grand Line before finally declaring himself the pirate king.

He relived the anticipation on the ship as the world's greatest swordsman had gone out to claim his title, how they'd all watched the fight with bated breath even though none of them doubted for a single moment how it would turn out.

He still carried with him a copy of the world map drawn by the greatest navigator. Even now, over half a century after it had been published it was the most accurate navigational guide there was.

Likewise he was carrying a book filled with tales written by one of the bravest warriors of all the seas. Contrary to its authors habits it contained only truth, recounts of events and bravery that would've been hard to believe had the musician not seen many of them occur with his own two eye-sockets.

He could still taste the most amazing meal of his live, remember how it had delighted his nonexistent tongue to taste the food prepared by a cook who would neither stop cooking nor stop smiling as they were anchored in a impossible ocean filled with beauty no song the musician had tried writing about it had been able to accurately reflect.

To this day he religiously followed all of the medical instructions given to him by the greatest doctor he'd ever known. The advances he'd brought to the field were now taught in schools all over the world leaving many students baffled as to how a reindeer could be one of the greatest medical minds of their era.

And he still felt the same awe he'd felt on the day when he'd heard an uncensored history being recited. And just as back then he was less in awe of the information than the woman who'd unrelentingly worked to uncover it, who'd remained undeterred through so many hardships.

And he remembered the amazing ship that had carried all of them to their dreams, and the man who had built it, who'd only had something in his eye when they arrived at the final island of the Grand Line, who had definitely not been crying, but wasn't this week one of the best they'd ever had?

He could imagine the ground shuddering under him, just as the red line had under the roar of an island whale that day a promised was fulfilled almost sixty years later. And he could still hear the most amazing piece of music he would ever hear, when he'd invited all of his crewmates to join in on the song he'd carried with him for so many decades.

But he also remembered the pain of attending too many funerals, and the soul crushing agony when he'd discovered once and for all that even the life span of an island whale could not compete with that of a skeleton too dead to die again.

He'd long stopped questioning where the tears he was wiping off his cheekbones were really coming from. He accepted them as the expressions of his missing heart that they were.

He leaned back, felt his hip bone digging into the ground. He'd lived a good life. Two good lives if you were to consider it this way. But now, on this day 200 years after his birth, he knew he was tired of it. Was done with the world.

He was ready to go.

But death was never going to come to claim him again.

A/N: So, I decided to start a collection thing of little one shots I post on Tumblr. Some of them are based on prompts, if you want to send me one, feel free, either on Tumblr or here.

Rating and Character settings for this are going to change based on the newest story.


	2. That's marimo to you

This one's written for a prompt on Tumblr by sunshinethroughtheclouds. The prompt was: "_I have no idea why I'm requesting angstiness (I'm a fluff person dammit!). But prompt: Sanji accidentally hurts Zoro pretty bad and tries to make it up. ^^"_

It did not end up angsty.

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><p>It was some sort of psychological torture. It had to be. Something was severely out of whack in the swordsman's world and he didn't know what it was, or why it was unsettling him so much. The only thing he did know was that it had to stop.<p>

Meditating on it hadn't helped. Initially he'd suspected Kitetsu to be the cause, simply because the cursed sword enjoyed getting one up on Zoro. While this weird imbalance that was making the swordsman jumpier every day wasn't really the katana's style, he wouldn't put it past him to do this to Zoro simply because he found it amusing.

He'd been half right. Kitetsu did find it fucking funny but he wasn't the cause. Apparently he knew the cause, though, and had been gleefully denying all of Zoro's attempts to find out what it might be. And neither of his other swords had deemed it interesting to comment on the matter.

Zoro suspected it would get better if he could train, but every time he'd tried Chopper had been there with his large round eyes looking like Zoro even moving would plunge him into a world of eternal sadness. And while Zoro was loathe to admit weaknesses, that look was among them.

It had all been a stupid coincidence, really, a few islands back his stupidly large opponent (large, not powerful) had thrown him right in the path of one of Sanji's diable jambe attacks. Which had been an interesting experience, because he'd always been kind of curious what it would feel like to be up against that, since they never used moves of that caliber on each other. Sadly his tibia hadn't liked it much.

He'd finished off his opponent anyway, and Sanji had defeated his, so as far as Zoro was concerned everything was fine, except now he was hobbling around on crutches and couldn't train and something was wrong and he didn't know what and it was driving him _insane_! Also his cursed sword was laughing at him.

Again.

He opened his eyes, deciding to give up on this meditation session since it really wasn't helping him. He debated going straight for a nap, but those had been getting more and more difficult because this overwhelming sense of wrongness was refusing to allow him to let down his guard enough for that. Also he could still hear Kitetsu faintly laughing in the back of his head, and that was too annoying to sleep through.

He looked around for his crutches. Maybe he could spend some time with Luffy. No vague imbalance of the universe could ever unsettle the future pirate king, and he was also pretty good at filling boring time.

That was when he spotted it.

And suddenly all of the pieces fell into place.

A tall glass of iced and undoubtedly perfect lemonade was standing innocently next to his crossed legs. His favorite, probably. The one he always had to go to the galley for if the cook ever deigned to make it. The one he only got any of if the 'ladies left some over'.

He stared at it to the soundtrack of slow clapping in the back of his head. _Shove it, Kitetsu,_ Zoro thought angrily. Stupid sarcastic cursed sword and its stupid fucking insight.

Well this wouldn't do. Zoro grabbed his crutches determinedly and hobbled his way up the stairs much faster than Chopper would've been comfortable with.

He slammed the galley door shut behind him, so that his entrance was more dramatic and because he knew it would bother the cook.

Sanji was at the counter cutting some vegetables and looked up with an irritable look on his face that dropped to a neutral expression almost as soon as he spotted the swordsman. "Oh. Zoro. What do you want?"

No 'shithead'. No 'moss brain'. Not even 'marimo'. And thinking on it, Zoro realized that the last time he'd heard any of those names had been before that slightly ill timed encounter of his with Sanji's flaming foot.

"Hi Sanji, how are you?", Zoro said. He did his best to smile as he said it, but considering how irritated he really was it probably looked quite a bit more psychopathic than intended.

"What?", Sanji asked suspiciously.

"It's a nice day out, isn't it?", Zoro pressed on in the most pleasant tone of voice he could muster.

"… what?"

"I just wanted to thank you for the lemonade. It was delicious." Which Zoro didn't really know since he hadn't tried it at all, but he felt it was safe to assume he wasn't lying here.

"… you're being creepy", Sanji said, starting to look quite a bit unsettled. Mission accomplished, then. Good, Zoro couldn't wait to drop that fake smile.

"Really? I'm the one being creepy?", Zoro asked.

"Well, if you'd seen your face just now, you'd agree with me", Sanji said stubbornly.

"You brought me lemonade! Listen, I don't know what's going through that shitty head of yours, but it has to stop, now! The world's in imbalance and my fucking sword is laughing at me!" Which he still was, incidentally.

"Your sword's laughing at you?"

"Shut up. You know you'd never have landed that hit against me if we'd been fighting, so why don't you stop with the fucking _niceness_ and enjoy it while it lasts, because I promise, you're never gonna break my leg a second time!", Zoro yelled. Sanji had a strange look on his face like he was contemplating getting a stroke and hadn't quite understood what Zoro was saying. But the swordsman felt like he'd made his point so he turned around to angrily hobble out of the kitchen again.

But then another thought occurred to him and he turned back, pointing a finger at the cook, uncaring that his crutch clattered down to the floor.

"And it's _Marimo_ to you!"


	3. At the bottom of the bluest ocean

A/N: This one's sad. Feel warned!

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><p>Honestly, Sanji would be much more upset about the current situation if it hadn't been so fitting. So predictable. Not that he had predicted it, but looking back on it it felt like this was probably always going to be his fate.<p>

He tried to struggle against the rope that was restraining his arms behind his back but it was still futile. The paralytic they had injected him with was still in effect. How could he have been so careless?

Stupid question, really. He knew exactly why he'd been careless, but that didn't make it any better or make him sink any less quickly.

Years of living on boats, swimming and diving had made sure that he could hold his breath longer than most other people, but that only went so far when you couldn't move and a large weight was pulling you further down into the sea. The pressure on his ears told him he was quickly approaching a depth where even if he could swim his chances of survival were nearing zero.

His nakama didn't even know he was in trouble. They'd agreed to meet up in a few days and none of them had guessed that this island was dangerous or could have foreseen that the inhabitants were guarding such a secret. And that stumbling across it would cost your life.

In two days his friends were going to meet back at the sunny and the cook wouldn't be there. No explanation, no nothing, just gone, and that thought almost physically hurt. He knew that if he weren't underwater there'd be tears flowing down his cheeks, and maybe there were, but who could tell.

But if drowning was meant to be the way he left the world, then he couldn't think of a better place to do it. At least here he got a perfect view of the magnificence all around him. So many fish, so many colors…

All Blue.

It was real. It was here. And just knowing this made him feel as if his chest was about to explode with emotions that had nothing to do with his imminent death.

North Blue, South Blue, East blue… he kept identifying all the fish around him, keeping a mental tally even if he had already found fish from all of them several times over. And some he had never even seen before. Oh the dishes he could cook here…

But that wouldn't happen, because apparently knowing that this ocean was here was a death sentence, enacted by the keepers of this secret.

Why would anyone want this to be a secret? He felt like shouting it out, telling the whole world, sharing it with all the people who'd believed in him, all the people who'd doubted his dream…

He wanted to tell the shitty geezer. It had been his first thought when he'd seen the fish at the market and not being able to was turning into his biggest regret.

A passing fish disrupted his musings. The pattern, the pastel colors… a sky fish!

A laugh escaped him, bubbles rising up in front of his face and that broke his concentration enough that he found himself breathing in, a large gulp of seawater before he could stop himself.

Instinct took over at that point, his body trying to rid itself of the water burning in his lungs and he started coughing which only made everything worse. He knew he didn't stand a chance anymore, but he tried to calm himself, anyway, unsuccessfully.

The last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was a blue finned elephant tuna, and he wondered vaguely what that miracle ingredient would've tasted like.

When the human with the yellow head stopped moving the elephant tuna just stared, the only witness, no comprehension in his features.

And the cook just kept sinking in the depths of the ocean that had been his life's dream.


	4. With a Side of Gay in the Morning

A/N: I keep forgetting to update this here, I have a back log of nine one shots by now and I keep writing more… Remind me to update please, I'm just forgetful, not unproductive in this case.

This one's nice and fluffy! Written for Tumblr user sunshinethroughtheclouds' birthday.

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><p>Really, if you'd asked Nami before she'd entered what she'd been expecting to see, a dead body would've been higher on the list than this.<p>

She'd just meant to wake up the swordsman in order to draft him to be her pack mule on her upcoming shopping trip. Because the door to the inn room he shared with Sanji was still locked she'd just gotten to work picking the lock, because she just didn't have the patience to wait for Zoro to wake up on his own.

While working it she'd been wondering how Sanji and Zoro had even ended up sharing a room and if that wasn't the worst idea ever. Hence the dead body theory.

Instead there she was now, standing in the doorway, her jaw lost somewhere in the carpet as she stared at the scene in front of her.

There were two beds in the room, pretty wide ones, too, but only one of them was occupied. With both a cook and a swordsman. Zoro was propped up against the head board, already awake while Sanji was lying on his side facing the swordsman, still asleep.

With his arms around Zoro and attached to him like a barnacle. His hair was falling around his head, revealing a small contented smile. Zoro was playing with a few strands of blonde hair looking down affectionately.

Also, they were naked.

Probably.

Well their upper bodies were, and maybe they were both wearing pants, but Nami wouldn't have been willing to bet on it.

The swordsman looked up at her intrusion and raised an eyebrow as if saying _well?_ And there really wasn't anything Nami could think of to say in this moment, because her brain seemed to have short circuited for a moment.

"Uh… I'll just…" she stammered, half waving half pointing behind her, before getting the hell out of there. She took special care to shut the door quietly because she didn't want the cook to wake up.

She walked down the stairs into the inn's spacious entrance hall in a daze. It wasn't the first time Nami had discovered two naked men in bed together. Granted it was the first time they were human, but that didn't really make a difference. What did make a difference was who the guys were in this case.

"Nami, weren't you going to get Zoro?", Robin inquired. She was sitting in one of the arm chairs in the entrance hall reading a book. Nami sat down next to her bonelessly.

"He's… busy", Nami said.

"With what?", Robin asked.

"Cuddling with Sanji. Naked." Saying it out loud didn't make it make any more sense. "Or not, there was a blanket."

"That's sweet", Robin said with a smile and turned back to her book. Nami turned to face her crewmate incredulously.

"Sweet? That's all you have to say? They were _naked!"_

"Yes, I heard you the first time", Robin said, not looking up.

"Naked. Zoro and Sanji!", Nami repeated, trying to get her crewmate to understand. This at the very least deserved some attention, not just going back to reading as if nothing happened.

"Do you have a problem with that, navigator-san?", Robin asked, finally looking up from her book. There was a slightly disapproving tone to her voice and she raised an eyebrow. It took Nami a moment to realize what Robin was getting at.

"No, I don't have a problem with it… but I _am _surprised. Why aren't you?", Nami asked. Then a thought occurred to her. "You knew already, didn't you? How long has this been going on?"

"A few months as far as I'm aware", Robin replied. "But it might've been longer."

"Huh…" Nami said. She stared at the coffee table in front of her for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was under the impression that our crewmates wanted to keep this private", Robin said.

Nami didn't say anything to that, just kept staring at the coffee table trying to sort her thoughts.

"You seem angry, navigator-san."

"I am", Nami said in a sulking tone. Robin raised a disapproving eyebrow again, and Nami realized that it had sounded as if she was against gay pirates or something when that wasn't what she'd been thinking about at all.

"I just… I'm angry at myself, how did I not see this coming? I'm usually great at reading people" Mostly to get what she wanted, but still. "I mean, of course I had this theory that Zoro might be gay, because he's never really shown interest in a woman, but he never really showed interest in a guy either, so I thought he probably didn't care about this stuff at all. But Sanji…"

She crossed her arms in frustration. "I never even considered he wasn't straight, but it's so obvious when you think about it. The nice clothes, bathing every day. And all the affectations around women! And all the fighting with Zoro. Talk about overcompensating! Why did this never occur to me?"

Robin chuckled quietly at that. "Well, I do belive cook-san's interest in women is genuine, even if it isn't exclusive."

"Good point… you probably wouldn't let yourself almost get killed by women just to keep up appearances", Nami mused. "So you've known a few months? Do they know that you know?"

"I don't believe so", Robin said with a mysterious little smile.

"Have you been spying on them?"

"I wouldn't call it spying", Robin said. "I just happened to spot them once or twice."

Nami wondered for a moment how exactly Robin had "happened to spot them", probably by conveniently materializing an eye somewhere without them knowing, before her train of thought was effectively derailed by her own imagination supplying images of what the archaeologist might've caught them doing.

Zoro slamming Sanji against a wall, claiming his mouth in a fierce kiss while all the cupbards rattled around them. Sanji giving as got as he got, spinning them around and bending Zoro backwards over the kitchen counter, and Zoro retaliating by…

"Nami? You're blushing", Robin said with an amused twinkle in her eye. Nami paused her internal cinema for a moment with a promise to return to that at a later time.

"Well, I guess if they manage not to kill each other they're not a half bad match. They have chemistry, at least." Pretty destructive chemistry, but some people were into that, weren't they? "So, is this like a casual kind of thing, are they just blowing off steam, or is this a relationship?"

"I don't know for sure. But you just saw them yourself, what do you think?"

Pushing her more raunchy fantasy out of her mind for now she thought back on the scene she'd just encountered. Now that her shock over seeing the two of them together and naked (and they were not bad looking while naked, also a distraction), she could analyze what she'd seen a little better.

That contended little smile on Sanji's face, his cheek pressed to the swordsman's chest and his arm wrapped around him. Sure, he'd been asleep, but he'd looked like there was no where else he'd rather be in the world.

And that tender look Zoro had been sporting. How he'd played with Sanji's hair running the strands through his fingers as if they were a precious substance he just couldn't get enough of looking at.

Nami could feel the smile spreading over her face.

"I think it might be love."

Robin grinned and looked back down at her book.

"Yes, that's my theory as well."


	5. And Mortification for the Main Dish

And Mortification for the main dish

ZoSan, continuation of "With a Side of Gay in the morning" (Chapter 4)

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><p>Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't have been so bad if Luffy hadn't been the one to start it. Or if it hadn't happened with everyone listening attentively. Or maybe if everyone had been drunk or something…<p>

But realistically Zoro knew it didn't matter. This had been bound to happen from day one, and having it happen after more than half a year was actually a lot luckier than he could've ever expected to be.

It was a bit like watching a natural disaster or an accident happen, you didn't really want to see it but couldn't help your eye being drawn to the scene anyway.

"Ne, Sanji", Luffy asked with a finger stuck in his nostril. The cook looked up from washing the breakfast dishes. "Why were you and Zoro wrestling naked? Is that training?"

At the word _naked_ pretty much all the crew members looked up in varying states of interest and shock and Zoro had to suppress a groan, because he just knew this was going to turn out annoying and he didn't really want to deal with any of this shit.

The plate Sanji had just been washing dropped back into the sink with a clunk and all the color drained out of the cook's face at an impressive speed.

"What?", Usopp asked, with eyes bugging out and darting between the cook and the swordsman. Sanji stared back with an equally large eye, apparently frozen to the spot while Zoro answered with a slightly annoyed glare.

"It looked like you guys were having fun, what's that training for?", Luffy asked, oblivious, as he tended to be, of everyone's reaction.

"Uh… uh…", Sanji stammered out and from how white his face was that was probably all his brain was capable of making him say at the moment, what with the lack of oxygen supply.

Franky snorted at Luffy's comment, and then full on burst out laughing. "Sorry dude, but your face!", he gasped out.

"Why would they train naked?", Chopper asked, confused.

"It's not training!", Usopp yelled. Well, he couldn't really know that, could he? For all he knew they really might've been training naked. They hadn't been, but still.

"Not train… oh!", Chopper burst out. "Really? Zoro and Sanji? But don't they hate each other?"

"That can sometimes make for an interesting chemistry", Robin said, half hiding her smile behind her coffee cup.

"Oh, Zoro and Sanji were making science?", Luffy asked, with a slightly confused look on his face.

"No, dude they were making _loooove", _Franky said with an amazingly irritating waggle of his eyebrows.

"Huh?", Luffy asked, but then apparently he realized something. "Oh was that butt sex? Is that fun?"

Zoro took a moment to wonder where Luffy had even learned about that, but then concluded that Ace was probably to blame. Sanji, meanwhile had this look on his face like a cornered animal that was just about to be butchered, still white as a sheet. Franky was still laughing.

"Is it? I'm kind of regretting that I never tried that out while still alive. Alas now I have neither…" Brook mused, but was interrupted by Usopp waving his hands in front of the skeleton's face.

"No skull joke about that!", the sniper yelled. "Hello? Is anyone freaking out about Zoro and Sanji here, or am I the only one? I can't be the only one!"

"Are you guys really in _loooove_?", Chopper asked with stars in his eyes.

"Calm down Usopp, it's not that big a deal", Nami said.

"Not that big a deal? It's _Zoro _and _Sanji _of all people! That is a big…" he suddenly stopped in the middle of his sentence and then glared at Nami suspiciously. "You knew, didn't you? You'd be freaking out right along with me if you didn't."

"I… m… maybe", Nami admitted, looking off to the side as though the denden mushi was somehow suddenly very interesting. It wasn't, it was sleeping just as always.

"Wh… Whu…?" Sanji stuttered out in a small voice. "N… Nami-san? H… How long?"

"Uh… a few month, maybe?", Nami hazarded. She sounded like she was doing her very best to downplay it. "Robin knew longer, though!"

Neither of that was surprising to Zoro. He still remembered that morning several months ago when Nami had burst in on them and gaped like a fish out of water. He'd really been expecting to be blackmailed about it, but the next time he'd seen the sea witch she hadn't said anything about it, just winked at him, once. And that had surprisingly been the end of it, which he was grateful for, because he'd known that if the cook knew anyone knew about their thing he'd have been freaking out. Kind of like he was right now.

As for Robin, that woman made it her business to know stuff. He didn't know how or when she'd found out (and resolved not to think about it, because he didn't want to start being paranoid about eyes on walls) but it wasn't surprising in the least.

Unless you were a stupid love cook, apparently, because Sanji looked like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown at hearing that. "R…Robin-chan?"

"It's really nothing to get upset about, cook-san", the archaeologist said placatingly, but it wasn't any use. It seemed that the girl's calm acceptance hit him worse than Franky's laughter or Usopp's shock, because Sanji made a strangled whimpering noise before fleeing the galley.

Zoro rolled his eye and took a moment to wonder what exactly had made him ever think that starting something with the blond drama queen had ever been a good idea. Then he pushed himself away from the table and went after him.

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Zoro found the mess of a cook on the aft deck, pacing like a caged animal with two cigarettes in his mouth and a third between his fingers. He looked completely ridiculous, no wonder Franky hadn't been able to stop laughing.

Sanji looked up when Zoro arrived, did a weird contortion with his face, opened his mouth, closed it again and then made a vague gesture with the hand holding the cigarette. He opened and closed his mouth a few more times before blurting out: "This is your fault!"

"How is it my fault?"

"It… it has to be!", Sanji said, pointing his cigarette at the swordsman. "You're you, of course it's your fault!"

"You're even more stupid than usual, cook", Zoro said. "This was bound to happen, it's a small ship, you couldn't really be expecting this to stay secret forever." Maybe this would actually turn out for the better. Zoro had been annoyed with the cook's frankly paranoid precautions to avoid being caught for quite a while. Maybe now that the cat was out of the back they could spend less time worrying about pointless things and more time doing more productive things.

"But… Robin-chan… and Nami-san, now they think I'm a…" The cook grabbed his head with both hands and it was a miracle that he somehow managed not to singe his own hair with the cigarette. And that he was able to talk this well with two cigarettes still in his mouth, too.

"Guy who likes having sex with other men? So what if they think that, it's not like it isn't true", Zoro said gruffly. Not that he'd ever admit it, but the cook's mortification at people knowing about their thing irked Zoro more than a little. It wasn't like Zoro was someone to be embarrassed about being in a relationship with, he was a pretty damn good catch if he may say so himself. If whatever they had really was a relationship of course, but after this long and some particular moments between them he wasn't sure what else they'd even try to categorize it as.

"It… you… don't!" Sanji ground out, sounding more like he was arguing with himself than with the swordsman. "I'm not _like that_!"

"Of course you are! Even if you swing both ways you can't pretend like you're completely straight, I know better!", Zoro yelled back.

"This was a mistake", the cook said, looking off to the side.

"What, lighting three cigarettes at once?"

"No, ever starting this whole thing with you! Stupid, I should've…", the cook mumbled.

It wasn't hurt that Zoro was feeling. It couldn't be. It was white hot anger at the cook just dismissing their relationship or whatever and damn it was anger at himself, too, for ever expecting anything different.

"No one's forcing you!", he spat out. Then he turned on his heel and left, because he really didn't want to stare at the cook's face anymore.

He'd need a lot of training to take his mind off this shit.

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The rest of the day Sanji avoided Zoro like the plague and that suited the swordsman just fine. Several of the other crew mates talked to him though. Franky apologized for laughing at them and that he wished them all the best, because he thought they were actually a pretty good match.

Usopp had also apologized for his reaction and made sure to tell Zoro several times that he was just shocked, but didn't disapprove of their thing, he just hadn't been expecting that and it took him a while to get over his shock.

Both Chopper and Brook had pledged their support, and Luffy had even apologized for causing trouble. And the girl's had apparently never had a problem with it either.

So overall no one on the crew minded or had any problem whatsoever with their thing. But their support felt a bit hollow to Zoro, because them knowing would probably lead to him being dumped, anyway.

Getting dumped because of the cook's irrational fear of something that had already happened with a complete lack of negative consequences was quite probably one of the most stupid things that could happen to a person, but considering who they were talking about it wasn't all that surprising. Leave it to the cook to find the dumbest thing imaginable and then try to one up it.

Of course Zoro would be fine with it. It wasn't like he really needed the cook, and while he'd enjoyed their time together he wouldn't have a problem with going back to the way things were. If the cook had such an easy time throwing their thing away it was probably better that way in the long run, anyway.

Not that Zoro could ever get his heart broken by the stupid cook, he wasn't in love with him, obviously. Maybe he had been starting to sort of develop something like feelings or something, but getting rid of those wouldn't be a problem, not at all.

The fact that he was lying awake in his bunk and couldn't fall asleep was completely unrelated.

Really.

It was no use thinking too much about it, anyway. Whatever was going to happen would happen, and he certainly wouldn't be running after the cook for this, he had his pride after all..

The door to the men's bunk room opened. Zoro was familiar enough with everyone's footsteps to identify the ones entering right now as the cook's.

Better pretend to be asleep then, Zoro decided, closing his eyes. If they started a fight now it would just wake everyone up and he really didn't want to drag this out in front of the others.

He tried to plan out the next day's training routine, instead, maybe that would help him take his mind of the cook. It worked pretty well, too.

Until he felt a dip in his mattress and his eyes flew open at a weight settling itself next to him.

"Scoot over", the cook whispered at him, lying down on his side and throwing his arm around the swordsman's middle like he sometimes did when they were at an inn or somewhere and fell asleep next to each other.

Zoro just stared at him for a moment, and the cook looked slightly uncomfortable. "Everyone knows, anyway, so I can do this now", he said, a challenging look in his eyes like he was expecting Zoro to throw him out.

The swordsman stared at Sanji for a moment, trying to gauge where that change in attitude came from, and what exactly this meant for their relationship or whatever.

But then he realized he was making the same mistake that Sanji always made, namely overthinking simple stuff. So he scooted over as asked and slung an arm around the cook's shoulders.

As he felt the familiar scratch of stubble on his chest as Sanji tried to find a comfortable position to put his head, he realized it was easy to see what this meant. They'd probably be fine.

He was glad for the dark in the bunk room at this time of night, so Sanji didn't see the huge smile that was spreading on Zoro's face.


	6. On Bravery

Brook had the feeling getting to know his new crew was going quite well. It had only been a few days since they'd left Thriller Bark but already their bright personalities were beginning to outshine the darkness that still had a grip on his heart.

Even though he no had heart.

Talking to them and getting to know them was worth every second, and even just being around them without talking was fixing something inside him he'd previously thought irreparable.

He'd caught on that every member of the crew had a specific dream and he was having a great time finding about all of them. The way Nami-san's features had lit up when he had inquired about her maps instead of her panties had been most gratifying to watch and seeing the normally composed and foul mouthed cook turn into a little boy with large eyes going on about a magic ocean had been a surprising but not unwelcome tradition.

The more facets he learned about these people the more grateful he felt that they'd agreed to take him with him. He could barely believe his luck. After all these years of being tied to a rudderless ship in a lightless ocean he hadn't really expected his life to change much, anymore.

He was walking around on deck with an even bigger appreciation for the amazing ship after Franky-san had told him about his dream for it, when he spotted Usopp-san standing at the railing looking out at the ocean where the sun had just set, leaving the sky still looking colorful.

"Hello Usopp-san", Brook announced himself as he came to stand next to the sharp-shooter. "I do hope I'm not intruding?"

"Hey Brook. No, of course not", Usopp-san said, making an inviting gesture. "How's it going? Getting used to life on the Sunny?"

"I'm doing very well, thank you for asking", Brook replied. "I've been learning more about the crew member's dreams and thus far I have been fascinated by all of them. Actually, I've been meaning to inquire as to yours, as well, if I may be so forward, Usopp-san."

Usopp-san lit up at the question, just like the others had and puffed out his chest before answering, "I'm going to become a brave warrior of the sea!"

That… honestly wasn't quite what Brook had been expecting. An "Oh" escaped him, and were he still in possession of eye lids he probably would've been blinking several times.

Usopp-san looked to the side as he heard Brook's reaction and a slight blush rose on his cheeks. It took Brook a short moment before he noticed that he'd made his cremate uncomfortable, and he immediately felt terrible about it, it had not been intentional at all.

"Yeah I know, that's not really that impressive to someone like you, but it's important to me, okay?"

Brook was just about to vehemently protest Usopp-san's impression that the skeleton didn't find the sharpshooter's dream to be impressive when he tripped over something else in that statement. "Someone like me?", he repeated, confused.

"Well, with everything you did… I never would've been able to stay on that ship for fifty years without going insane… my dream just has to sound silly to someone with that kind of strength, I know." Usopp-san was still looking off to the side, avoiding eye contact. Or well, eye to orbita contact in the current case.

"Without going insane…", Brook repeated, unable to keep a breathless chuckle out of his voice. "I don't know if such a feat is possible, and if it is, then I certainly have not achieved it."

Usopp-san looked back at Brook at that and raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"As for strength… there was strength involved, certainly, but I would remiss to claim that all or even most of that strength was mine", Brook went on.

"You mean because of Laboon?", Usopp-san ventured.

"Yes, but not only him. My captain trusted me to take care of our crew, in order to complete our mission, and my crew in turn trusted me to take their last song to Laboon. They died with smiles on their faces because they trusted me. Their trust, and their strength is what has carried me this far", Brook explained. "I wouldn't describe myself as particularly strong or courageous, really."

"Well then maybe you have a skewed view of yourself there, a bit", Usopp-san said. "No matter what other people said or did, holding on that long is your achievement, even if it is for them."

"Possibly", Brook conceded. "But if my self image is skewed then I'm certainly not the only one that applies to."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, allow me to explain my earlier reaction, then", Brook ventured. "I was surprised at hearing you want to become a brave warrior of the sea, because I've been under the impression that you already were."

A slow smile spread on Usopp-san's lips as he heard that.

"No, not quite yet", he said. "But I'm working on it." He looked out to sea looking wistful.

"Then I look forward to supporting you in that endeavor with all my heart", Brook declared. "Even though I have no heart. Yohohoho!"


	7. Wanna Go?

Written for this prompt from Tumblr: "_Hey... Umm, hey.. Could I ask for a prompt for your last fanfic? The same situation, only Zoro this time hurt Sanji pretty bad. I really love your fics and your writing and your medical stuff! Thanks for being such a great autor!"_

Waiting for Chopper to come out of the infirmary to tell them how bad it was was an excruciating wait. And the looks that Franky, Usopp and Brook were shooting the swordsman every few minutes weren't helping, either.

He kept going over and over the scene in his mind, but even if he had been able to do something different to avoid this outcome it was too late anyway.

He hadn't expected the ground to give out beneath them. He'd been fighting almost back to back with Sanji

It had only been chance that had the cook falling right into Shusuui's path.

He'd be fine.

Chopper was the best doctor there was, there simply wasn't room for any other outcome.

But that didn't stop Zoro from seeing all the blood in his mind's eye over and over again.

It had been an accident.

But that was no excuse. Someone who wanted to be the best swordsman in the world shouldn't make mistakes like that.

Injuring a nakama was inexcusable.

The door to the galley opened and Robin and Nami entered.

"What's going on here?", Nami asked the guys sitting around in silence.

Franky had just opened his mouth to say something when the door to the infirmary opened and Chopper came out.

"He'll be fine", Chopper said. "I've managed to stop the bleeding. I wasn't able to reattach it for obvious reasons, but with a prosthetic there shouldn't be any problem."

"What? Reattach what? Prosthetic? What's going on?", Nami asked. Robin behind her looked just as worried.

"Oh you guys missed it, huh?", Franky asked and looked at them. There was an odd gleam in his eyes that Zoro found instantly irritating.

"Missed what?"

"Sword bro cut off cook bro's ear!" Franky announced. And then burst into laughter.

Nami stared at him at that, blinking several times in rapid succesion. "He what?"

"Why did you decide to do that, Zoro?", Robin asked calmly.

"It was an accident", Zoro growled out. Not that he believed it being an accident excused it, but he wouldn't have anyone tell him he "decided" to, either.

"You should've seen the look on their faces when that happened, priceless!", Franky gasped out in between laughs.

"Easy for you to laugh, You didn't spend two hours digging through the rubble to try and find a missing ear", Usopp grumbled and crossed his ams. Brook next to him nodded his emphatic agreement.

"Well I'm probably gonna end up having to make the prosthetic, so quit your whining", Franky said. "How about something fun? Like troll ears or something? Sword bro can you take off the other, too, so it's symmetrical?"

"I heard that!", an enraged voice shrieked out of the infirmary.

"Oh, see that was gonna be my next question", Nami said. "So he can still hear okay, right?"

"Oh yes, it's not a problem for that. The outer shell of the ear only amplifies the sound intensity by around three percent. It's said to have some significance in directional hearing, but most of that is calculated by the brain, so it's not a huge setback there, either."

"Brook doesn't have ears, either, and it's not diminished his musical talent, so why should it be an issue here?", Usopp added.

"That's very kind of you, Usopp-san", Brook said warmly. "Oh, wait was that a skull joke? Yohohoho!"

"So, overall, Sanji-kun's alright?", Nami asked, with a serious look on her face. "Except for the fact that he can't wear glasses anymore?" And with a snort she started laughing, too.

"Since his hairstyle usually only permits him to see out of one eye, I'm sure a monocle would address that problem quite well", Robin theorized with a slight smirk.

"Oh but it's fine, prosthetic ears are really easy to make and attach, you just have to screw it into the mastoid process, and they hold very well. So he should be able to wear glasses again", Chopper explained.

"Think we can find a land of deaf people where the one eared dude is king?", Franky asked with a boisterous laugh.

"Maybe he'll learn to be a talented post impressionist painter", Robin said with a twinkle in her eye.

777777777777777777777777777777777777

Later, when all the ear jokes had died down Zoro went to see Sanji in the infirmary. It didn't matter that losing an ear was funny when compared to all the other things that could've happened because the fact of the matter was that it never should've happened at all. And none of the jokes had been funny to the swordsman who was at fault.

"If you're here to mock me I'll find a way to kick your ear off your head and I promise you it'll be messy!", Sanji announced with a glare as the swordsman entered. There was a bandage around the left side of his head where he used to have an ear but other than that he looked fine.

"Are you okay?", Zoro asked instead of answering. Sanji looked at him weird, but he must've found something in Zoro's expression that made him answer civilly.

"If you discount the fact that everyone's assaulting me with lame ear jokes, yeah. Until I get the replacement I can just use my hair to cover it, it'll be fine", the cook said offhandedly.

"It never should've happened", Zoro said, barely noticing how his tone was darkened with self loathing.

"Yeah well maybe then you shouldn't have done it, genius!"

"Look, it was…" Zoro started to say but the cook cut him off.

"An accident, yes I know, I was there. No one could've predicted that the floor was gonna break away or that we'd fall over another in that particular way, it sucks, but it could've been worse, so let's just leave it at that."

But Zoro couldn't just leave it at that. Leaving it at that wasn't enough, What he'd done, no matter how inadvertently was not okay and should not be brushed aside that easily.

"It was my f…" Zoro started to protest, but Sanji interrupted him again.

"It wasn't your fault and I don't care what other crap you've been planning on spouting, here, but you might as well save it." Sanji said.

"Because I can't hear you", he added, his voice dripping with sarcasm. At that, Zoro had to snort. It wasn't all that funny, either, but he got what the cook was trying to say, and that was fine with the swordsman.

"Fair enough."


	8. No pets allowed

The smell of dust and old paper hitting Chopper's nostrils as they entered the book store told him that this was one where Robin was probably going to have a field day. The books all looked really old, faded titles on leather bound backs filling the rows of shelves stacked so closely that he didn't dare transforming into heavy point for fear of knocking something over.

The archaeologist's eyes lit up as they entered and she paused a moment looking around the store before she started browsing the title's in earnest. Chopper really liked seeing how excited she got, even though he knew he wasn't all that likely to find a book for himself here.

Because while old books were perfect for finding out about history they were often lacking when it came to medicine, because it was a fast moving science with loads of new findings in a short amount of time, and well… some of the things found in old medical texts were just plain stupid. Like the amount of bodily fluid's determining one's personality, or the idea that the heart produced the blood which then seeped into all the other tissues and then just sort of vanished there, so the heart constantly had to produce more. Not all old books were useless, but above a certain age it wasn't particularly likely to be helpful anymore.

But even if he found absolutely no book for himself, he absolutely didn't mind spending all the time in the world in the store if Robin found something that caught her interest. He loved going to book stores with her. The way the usually so reserved archaeologist got exited around books always made Chopper happy. And it made him feel special that he was the one who got to see it.

Robin very rarely looked for social contact herself. She was usually on the deck, always available for people to spend time with her, but she usually didn't start interactions on her own. So hearing her say: "Doctor-san, would you care to accompany me to the local book store?" with that little smile on her face made Chopper feel all warm inside.

Maybe there were some newer books further into the store. Chopper decided to check around there, while Robin was still captivated by the shelf nearest to the door.

"Hey! You can't take that in here!", the store owner suddenly yelled, and pointed at Chopper.

The little doctor looked up, confused. Maybe it was about the back pack? Some stores didn't like you carrying large bags, because they were scared of someone taking something, but Chopper's backpack was really small, and filled to the brim with medical supplies, anyway, so he couldn't take anything even if he wanted to.

"Take what in here?", Robin asked, also looking up from her browsing.

"That dog thing there! Didn't you read the sign? No pets allowed!", the owner said, now pointing at the sign above his head, and Chopper felt like a lead weight had been dropped down his stomach.

"He's not a pet", Robin said in a tone icy enough for Aokiji to ride a bike on.

"I don't care what you call it, this is a book store, not an animal shelter." The elderly man stared down his bespectacled nose with a look of absolute disgust that made Chopper flinch despite himself.

"He is not a pet, he is our crew's Doctor, and I assure you that he will not damage anything. He's a Zoan type devil's fruit user, which is what might've confused you about his appearance. Also he is not a dog, he is a reindeer", Robin explained frostily.

"I don't care what it is, if you want to be in my store that thing waits outside", the shopkeeper said sternly.

Chopper sniffled, but did his best not to let the tears that were gathering on the corners of his eyes fall. He wasn't going to cry about this, dammit. He could even understand the shop keeper's reasoning, just having animals running around his precious books, potentially ruining them probably was a really bad idea, and accepting someone who looked like a reindeer as a person was probably difficult when you weren't around devil's fruit users a lot.

But understanding didn't make him feel any less alienated, didn't make it hurt any less that he was being thrown out of one of his favorite kind of places to be.

"It's okay, Robin", he mumbled, trying not to sound as sad as he felt. "I'll just go outside, it's no big deal."

"Ventriloquism isn't going to change my mind", the shop keeper helpfully supplied.

"No, it is most certainly not okay, doctor-san", Robin said sternly. "We're leaving." A hand appeared on his shoulder, and for a moment Chopper was surprised when he realized that Robin herself was attached to it.

"But, these books, don't you wanna…? I really don't mind if you want to stay, I'll just…", Chopper said. Finding books this old wasn't an opportunity they had every day, what if one of them contained a hint to the void century or something? Chopper's feelings getting hurt wasn't worth missing out on that.

"It's no use looking at them, I wouldn't want to pay money to this man, anyway, and sadly my skills at burglary are not quite as advanced as navigator-san's", Robin said, and led Chopper out of the book store's door, ignoring the shopkeeper's outraged shout as she mentioned the word burglary.

"Are you sure about this? There could be a really important book in there, don't you want to go back in?", Chopper said as soon as the door had closed behind them.

"Quite sure, Doctor-san", Robin confirmed. "No matter how important any of those books may be, some things are even more important." She smiled down at him and Chopper blinked for a moment, not quite sure what she was talking about, but feeling the sudden urge to insult her and tell her whatever she was trying to say didn't make him happy.

"Now, how about we find a place that sells cotton candy, instead?", Robin added. And all Chopper could think to do was grin and nod enthusiastically.


	9. Clandestine Meetings of Perverts

Mysteries had always held a special fascination for Robin. If there was something to be discovered, she would do her best to do so, if there was something she didn't know she'd find out.

There was one particular mystery, however, that the archaeologist had thus far stayed away from.

After visiting some islands the Straw Hat's cook would always invite their musician into the galley, making sure no one else was aware of the meeting, locking the doors behind them.

And while Robin didn't know exactly what was going on there, she had a pretty good idea as to what it might be, and that was the reason she'd never investigated further. Because while she could accept and overlook their perversion in every day life and put it down to their eccentricities, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to do the same for whatever the two of them were doing in the galley those times.

She really didn't want to discover a secret that made her think less of her nakama.

That was her initial reasoning, at least.

But the more often she noticed those meetings occurring without ever investigating, the more curious she became, and the more theories she came up with, ranging from looking at dirty pictures to smelling used panties, and there was always the lingering sense it might even be something much worse that her non perverted mind couldn't even fathom.

Overall, really, these musings were eroding her opinion of her nakama more than having any of the theories confirmed would have.

Which was why Robin finally decided that enough was enough. She had to know. Nothing good ever came from ignorance, and she'd been able to accept all of her nakama's oddities so far, and whatever it lead to, she'd be able to accept this, as well.

Which was why she currently had an eye and an ear open on the galley ceiling while sitting in the library herself. Cook-san had beckoned Brook to the kitchen just a few minutes ago, discreetly, but then it was almost impossible to be discreet enough not to be noticed by Robin.

Sanji came in after a few moments, looking around the room to make sure it was empty, and then locking the back door that connected the galley and the infirmary. It was a testament to how well placed her eye and ear where. No matte how paranoid the person checking may be, few people ever thought to look up when looking for something.

A few moments later Brook slunk inside, ducking his large frame through the door and quickly looking behind himself to see if he'd been spotted. Apparently satisfied with what he saw, he pushed the door closed and locked it behind himself.

"Do you have it, Sanji-san?", Brook whispered eagerly, making his way to the central counter where Sanji was awaiting him with an eager look on his face.

"Oh yes, wait to be blown away, this is the good stuff", Sanji said with a grin, and began rummaging around one of his cabinets.

Still not helpful for Robin to finding out what was going on. She contemplated materializing another eye closer to the two of them, but then decided against it. The risk of being spotted was bigger, and if they knew she was observing them they might stop whatever they're doing.

"Last time wasn't quite as high quality if I remember correctly. Was the supplier better this time?"

"Oh, yes, definitely", Sanji said as he pulled out a little bag filled with… something, Robin wasn't quite sure what it was, but she realized all her previous theories were probably incorrect, and this wasn't about perversion, at all.

"That doesn't look like a lot, Sanji-san", Brook remarked.

"Do you have any idea how much this costs? I have loads of other expenses, if I want something of this quality I can't get a lot. Now do you want some, or not?", Sanji bristled, looking annoyed at the skeleton.

This was starting to look more and more like an angle that Robin had not even considered, but that was a whole lot more worrying than dirty pictures or panties. And it made her realize waiting to find out and ignoring this might've been a mistake. If there was a drug problem on board that was not something to be ignored.

But then she'd never seen any symptoms of anything like that, Sanji seemed completely normal, and Brook… well how would anyone even be able to tell if Brook weren't healthy? But then these meetings usually only occurred once after certain islands, not enough for any sort of addiction. But then the cook was already and avid smoker, it wasn't much of a stretch of the imagination he might go for stronger things, too. He might even put something in his cigarettes, depending on what sort of substance it was.

A long, high pitched noise took her out of her musings, when she realized that Sanji had cooked some water. He took out two cups from a cabinet and set them down on the counter between himself and Brook with a flourish, and then added some of the substance to the bottoms of both of them.

Which seemed odd. Robin wasn't an expert on drug use by any stretch of the imagination, but she didn't know of any that would be consumed from a cup.

But then Sanji filled both cups with boiling water, and both the musician and cook smelled their cups before breaking into a grin. Well insofar as Brook could grin more than normally, that was.

Curiousity peaked, Robin decided to add a nose closer to her two nakama.

The smell of black tea assaulted her newly grown nostrils, and she broke out laughing, glad that no one was around to see her.

"Ah, you're right, Sanji-san", Brook exclaimed, "Truly an exquisite blend… Finding good earl grey is so difficult in the Grand Line, and especially the new world, it never ceases to amaze how you do this."

"Well the guy at the market only wanted to give me the cheap tea initially, but after I took enough of that to keep our crew supplied for a few months he decided to throw in some of his best blend, and I have to say I'm not disappointed", Sanji said with a huge grin on his face, taking a sip from his cup before sighing. "And I just had to show this to you."

"I humbly thank you, Sanji-san, these tastes are a delight to my tongue. Even though I have no tongue! Yohohoho!", Brook declared, looking quite pleased with the world as he took a sip himself.

"Too bad this is only enough for one more cup… but the guy gave me a hint about the best tea vendors on some of the surrounding islands, if the log pose takes us there we might get more."

"That would be quite fortunate indeed, Sanji-san."

_One more cup, hm?_ Robin thought. She let her body parts vanish from the galley ceiling and got up from her chair.

Maybe they wouldn't mind if she were to join them to take care of that last cup.


End file.
